Okay so I’m not really a stay at home mom. But I do get a really good feel of what it would be like when I take these extended maternity leaves. It kind of feels how it did back in 2020 when the world shut down on my maternity leave so it lasted a little bit longer.
I am positively thriving. I always thought I would be someone that needs work to be happy. I’m smart- you don’t get two doctorates if you aren’t smart- and I thought I would need constant challenge in my job to be happy. Turns out that isn’t the case at all.
Less Stress
Maybe its because I’m chronically stressed. Even when I have nothing to stress about, I stress about having nothing to stress about. But I prefer a job that is actually a little simpler. I HATED practicing medicine and seeing clients. I hated the unpredictability. I hated talked to clients. I hated most of that part of my job.
I thrived in a lab. Set my own schedule, design my own project, figure out my own experiments and my own next step. I got to write, I got to think, I got to plan. The best part: if I got all my work done in 4 hours instead of 8… I could leave.
See time management and schedules are my jam. I can take something complex-break it down into easy to swallow chunks and just knock it out of the park. If there was an opposite for being a procrastinator- that would be me. I love having hefty to-do lists and just knocking them out.
So even when I’m in my Stay at home mom era- I’m crafting these long to do lists and knocking them out. I’m unpacking boxes, cleaning rooms, doing laundry, cooking three meals a day. I have this blog that I post weekly, I post on social media, I work out DAILY and work with Bodi on the side. I play with my kids, I create organization projects, I’m scheduling appointments, going school shopping, and doing daycare enrollment paperwork.
I think it’s the freedom. The freedom and the time to keep my house as clean as I want it, to exercise, to READ as voraciously as I please. I don’t mind doing chores because they aren’t another thing keeping me from my children but a way to be with my children. I have more patience for my children because I’m not limited to just a couple of hours with them, so I’m feeling some type of pressure to make those hours perfect. I’m free to be creative and pursue hobbies that bring me joy. And mostly I’m free of the pressure and structure of someone else’s schedule.
Self-Love
And I’ve never been happier. I am so at peace. I’ve never been so content with my children and my husband, my house, my life, my animals, myself. This is where I really thrive. It isn’t that dissimilar to working in a lab. I make my own schedule. Instead of what experiments I want to do that day I plan out what meals I want to cook or what chores I want to get done. Just like I timed my experiments I time my chores. Waiting for a western blot to transfer? Slice tissue for IHC. Waiting for lunch to cook? I work out. Waiting for clothes to dry? I mop the floor.
I love this version of me. I don’t think it is wrong for women to crave this version for themselves. Women have worked hard for the opportunities and the ability to get two doctorates and work in a lab. But it is also okay to want to stay home and raise a family set in traditional values. I am learning new things every day. I am working harder at home than I feel like I worked in years at a job. I am happier and more patient with my children and my husband because I don’t have all this outside stress and pressure making things worse.
If I could turn back time
I wouldn’t say that I would do things differently if I could turn back time. 10 years ago I thought I would be in the Army for 20 years. Hell 5 years ago I thought I would be in for 20 years. It wasn’t until that time during Covid when I first experienced how much I loved being home with my kids. And now I have the second chance to do it and I love it even more.
Unfortunately the nature of my career means I’ve made a commitment. I don’t get to make the choice to be a stay at home mom right now but I’m okay with that too. As much as I would love to be home, what my family needs right now is my steady job, my steady paychecks, my free healthcare and all the benefits afforded to me by the military.
Optimistic
I am just going to enjoy this last month at home as much as I can. I’m going to carry this feeling with me as I start my new job in October. I’m not sure how our lives will look when I return to work but I’m hopeful that we can settle into a routine that has a little bit more of this relaxed, creative, together feeling that I have managed to cultivate this summer.
And until then I will continue to learn and grow. I will get my house and yard looking perfect. I will learn to garden, learn to cook, learn to bake. I will start this little homestead with my family and be hesitant to take on more commitments and fill our schedule too quickly. When I return to work I will seek out opportunities to make myself even more qualified and more marketable. And some day, one day, I will be able to finally bring this vision to life!
