I had nearly 5 months of maternity leave (and I couldn’t be more grateful!) but this is my last week before going back to work and I’m feeling some type of way.
This transition is always challenging but this is the first time I will be “returning” to a brand new job I have never done before. New state, new base, new office, new boss, new coworkers. I’m returning to something I don’t even know and to say I’m full of anticipation is an understatement.
I’m a swirling mess of feelings. Excited for the new challenge, hopeful that I will like the job and the work, and devastated to be leaving my babies and this slow fulfilling life behind again. The day I drop my youngest three off at daycare I’m going to sob like an idiot. That first drop off never gets easier no matter how many kids you have.
As I’m preparing to return to work, I thought I would write about some things I’m doing to ease the transition.
Getting Ready
First is the obvious things. I’m doing everything to ensure that we are ready for the first day. I know the location and time I have to be at work. I’ve back tracked to what time I want to leave the house and what time I want to leave daycare. I’ve pulled out my uniforms and washed them and ordered my new unit patch.
I need to pull out bottles and wash and sterilize them and label them with the baby’s name. I will gather change of clothes for everyone, wipes, diapers, diaper rash cream. Everything I need and have it organized and ready to go before this weekend. That way if I am missing something I can still have time to go and grab it.
New Routines
I wrote recently about new routines but it is important for me to shift into those. I have been waking up earlier, getting my workout done first thing. The girls have been going to bed earlier. I’m figuring out what I will do in the morning and trying to wake up early enough to allow time for it all.
And I’m reminding myself that no matter how much I prep next week is going to be a crazy scattered mess of 7 people leaving the house before 7AM.
Last Minute Projects
Maternity leave is always an opportunity for me to get projects done. With moving, I have more projects then ever. Now is the time to look at what is left and make sure I’m making the most of these days at home. Right now, my main goal is to order all the pictures I want for family photos on the walls. We have several up but it is time for some replacement photos. Projects like this can feel overwhelming when working and keeping up on every day life so I’m looking around my house and trying to decide the best ones to tackle before I go back to work.
Saying goodbye
I also realize that this is my last week of this slow, low stress life. I want to make sure I’m taking time each day to sit down and play with my kids, read them a book, take contact naps with the baby. I’m curled up on my bed reading a book, writing this blog, watching a show. I’m walking barefoot through my yard and checking my chickens. I’m baking bread.
It’s not that I won’t get to do all those things, it’s that I will have a lot less time and freedom to just be. When you work full time out of the home, time spent in the home needs to be more productive. I have fewer hours in the home and I still need to clean, do laundry, cook, care for my children and animals.
That in itself makes me sad and mournful over going back to work. It is easy to get sucked into the negative and think about how much I am missing. But it is equally important to look at the positive. I will be using my brain again. I will be challenged. I will meet new people and make new friends. I will be more active. I will learn so much.
I will get breaks from my children so that I appreciate my time with them even more. I will have opportunities to progress my career. I will start a military school. I love the Army and the Soldiers in it, and I know I will be sucked back into that comradery soon.
BIG Changes
A big piece of this particular transition is I have been out of the military for FOUR years. I have been out of the loop, not in uniform, and focused on my civilian schooling. This makes returning a bit daunting. What policies have changed? Will I remember to say Sir and Ma’am, does my uniform fit? Do I remember how to wear it correctly?
Suddenly being on time matters again. In academia, I showed up at the same time every day because it was important to me. But no one was watching me. No one saw when I came. Now I have people depending on me again. I have spent the last 4 years creating my own schedule and work flow. I am no longer able to do that. It will be a bit of a culture shock to jump back in to the military world.
On top of that is the normal aches of an ending maternity leave. The baby snuggles. The smell of her skin, her fuzzy hair rubbing against my face. The weight of her body relaxed on my chest. The smell of her clothes. Holding her hand while she nurses. I’m emotional just thinking about it. Time just seems to move so much faster when I’m working outside of the home. Days become a rush to get out of the house in the mornings, and a rush to do dinners, baths, bed and reset at the end of the days. Next thing you know they are sitting up and eating solids and starting to crawl.
Hopes for the future
I’ve had five kids. I’ve returned to work now five different times, and started new jobs many more times than that. And I’ve learned some things.
- Positive mindset. As much as I dread the return and leaving my kids I need to focus on the excitement of being useful again and doing a job
- Slow down at home. I need to appreciate the moments with my kids even if they are routine. When I nurse the baby in the morning I shouldn’t try to do 100 other things, but just hold her and nurse her. When I wash bottles at night, I shouldn’t send the kids out to play but have one sit in the kitchen and tell me about their day. I shouldn’t rush to get dinner on the table but instead play Rafi and sing with my four-year-old.
- Both can exist. I can be happy and enjoy my job outside my home and come home and enjoy the chores and my children.
- Give it time. No routine or change comes without growing pains. Just because next week might feel like I have no time with my family doesn’t mean it will be that way forever.
- Ask for help. Right now, I do all the housework and much of the cooking. Soon the duties will need to be shared more. I need to recognize when I’m over my head and ask for my husband to share the load.
