I originally started this blog because people perceive me as being able to do it all. Of course you can’t believe everything you see online. I often struggle to find a balance between all my responsibilities. However I truly believe you can find a balance that works for you, but it takes a willingness to evaluate and change as a continuous process.
I have been back to work for a month. Back to waking up early, fitting in a morning routine, driving to work for a long day and back to the dinner/bedtime rush and trying not to lose myself in the process. At first I was very overwhelmed, and absolutely terrified into slipping back into that “go go go” attitude that prevents me from enjoying anything about my new life here in Maryland.
After a month, I feel like I’m starting to find that balance again, and here is how.
Mornings
First is a good solid morning routine. I recommend waking up as early as you feasibly can to not be tired all day. A time that still feels natural but allows you time to create a morning routine that works for you.
For me this is 5am. Any earlier, and I wouldn’t make it through the day. But 5am gives me more time to myself so I feel like I can get ready for the day. The first thing I do is work out. 20-30 minute workouts seem to be working for me right now. Eventually I would like to push these to 45 but I think I will have to wait until the baby is off of bottles. When I come in I get bottles and pump parts ready, pack my lunch and make my morning shake. Then I jump in the shower and get my uniform on and it’s usually about time to get the baby up to nurse.
After she’s done I get the boys up and dressed and we pretty much head straight out the door. Because I give myself more time than I need in the morning, none of this is rushed. Some mornings we leave at 6:55, others at 7:10, but it honestly doesn’t matter and I haven’t been late to work yet. Once the baby is at a year, I think I’ll be able to take all that time prepping bottles and feeding her and swap it with a longer workout. But this is the season of life I am in right now, so I make it work.
Incorporating Hobbies
This summer I reignited my love for reading. I never really stopped, but I was on about a book a month track and over the summer I bumped it up to 3-5 books a week. This is not sustainable with my work schedule, and I was feeling the lack of progress as what my mother calls “Book Stress”. To combat this, I borrowed an audiobook from the library and had a great time listening to it on my morning and afternoon commute. It seems to serve two purposes. 1. I continue making rapid reading progress. 2. I am calmer sitting in traffic because I feel productive.
I have also been bringing a book to work, and reading while I pump. I am terrible at working through lunch but trying to be better. I need to improve on actually getting out of my office, away from my computer, and eating while I read.
So now I have found a way to incorporate my two main hobbies into my day. Obviously work time is when I focus on work. It’s also when I try to take care of anything I need to do administratively for my family. Making appointments, organizing childcare, planning schedules etc. This is much faster for me to do at work away from the distraction of my families and doesn’t take too much time out of my day.
Keeping House
Cleaning is one thing I was able to outsource in Arizona. Unfortunately, in Maryland, money is tight. The cost of living is higher. Childcare is outrageous (another blog post to come on this situation). Food is more, and we are trying to save wherever we can. This means trying to not hire a cleaning lady (Although let’s be honest I probably will eventually). Instead, I’m still following my cleaning and laundry schedule I designed so that each day just has smaller tasks.
For example, Monday we clean the kitchen and the laundry room. Tuesday, we clean two bathrooms, Wednesday the living room and dining room, etc. Each day I do 1-2 loads of laundry. I was doing all this as soon as I got home but that was pulling away from my precious few hours with my kids. I get home around 5, they go to bed at 7 and in that time we need to do the chicken chores, make dinner, make lunches, wash bottles, eat dinner, clean up, baths, books and bed.
Recently I’ve started to save the cleaning chores until after the kids go to bed. This way I can be more a part of what they are doing instead of pulling away even more. This seems to be working, but again this is probably one of the biggest challenges right now, and I end up doing a lot on the weekend.
Slow Living Means Slow Schedules
We have been making a conscious effort to not over schedule. Slowly adding activities in, one at a time, and giving a chance to let that settle before adding more. Dorothy does girl scouts every other week, and Lucy just started doing gymnastics once a week. On a Saturday no less, because the girl just seems so tired after school each day.
My other big challenge is homework. There just doesn’t seem to be an opportunity in the day to help each of them with homework. Lucy is in kindergarten now so we have been trying to cluster her homework on the weekends. Dorothy is in 2nd grad and can do some of the homework herself, but with her issues she needs more help than most which we don’t really have time to give her. It is part of why I am still fighting to get her more help IN school or from other professionals.
On the weekends we have been working hard to NOT overschedule. Maybe one trip to the chore, gymnastics, and that’s about it. We are still spending all day outside all weekend long. Doing projects in the yard (currently building a fire pit!), enjoying the chickens, teaching the kids to ride bikes. It has been really nice and I’m working hard to be patient and not snap at my kids.
The thing is, when you don’t have much time with them each day, you really want their memories of you to all be happy. Of course, they fight a ton and get on my nerves but at least when I make a conscious effort, I feel like I can tolerate more from them.
Work in Progress
It isn’t perfect and I still dream of working from home one day. Theres still more I wish I could do. I want to spend more time with my daughters working on schoolwork. I want to spend time with my 4-year-old letting him play playdough. I want to start doing yoga. I want to be more present on this blog and Instagram. I want to get the little projects I’ve been saying I will do done. I want my house spotless.
But that’s the thing about finding balance. It is a work in progress. It continues to evolve. It is a new month and I have new goals. I have established a routine and now I will just improve upon it every day. I will find ways to incorporate these things into my weeks. I will set aside time to do my projects. And I will focus on one thing at a time. If I can find the time to be more present in my daughters’ schoolwork I will call this month a success.
And that is how I continue to find balance, even with working full time, a 45-minute commute, 5 kids, an old house on a large property, and 2 dogs, 1 cat, 1 tortoise, 2 ducks, 2 turkeys, 3 guineas, 8 chickens and a rooster!
